a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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