So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
