all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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