God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
