she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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