how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
