How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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