I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
