I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
