yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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