the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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