Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think my cat just said my name.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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