You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
only you would photoshop your dick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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