Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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