remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i dont even know how to be here
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
