you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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