i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
