he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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