I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
