my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
