So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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