Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
