guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
