I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
