I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
