the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
