oh god the rape fog is back!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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