this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
