Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
