Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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