tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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