My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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