based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
