I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
