My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
