Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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