i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
