Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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