I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
