my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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