I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
