dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
