I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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