I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
