the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
