this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
