I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
