I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who died my cat blue again?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
