I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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