period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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