that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
